What a Bunch of Rubes

Doesn't get much more Hokie than this.

On a side note, what kind of cow college has a homecoming court? We back in high school?

Click here for full Gawker article.

Smell Like a Hokie!

A VT fragrance? Yeah, so this is a thing now. And just like their football team, it will get the girl back to your dorm room, get her all hyped up, and then disappear at the most important moment and leave you wishing for next week.

There will be choices of three perfumes for women, and three for men, and the kids will decide just what they all want to smell like. Early name choices include:

1. Hokie Triump (seriously, they spelled it wrong)
2. Skipper (as in shower-skipper?)
3. VT Strong.

But we think more research is needed, so we've offered to help. With a bottle shaped like an empty trophy case, we suggest focus groups weigh in on the following scent options:

• Eau de Felonious
• Academic Suspension
• Manéur
• Disappointment for Women
• Emptiness for Him
• National Title No. 0

As the newscast mentions, finding an aroma befitting of a Hokie is a "whole different animal," so why not an animal? Sheep pheromones anyone? Although I believe a Deadspin comment captured the sentiments much better than anyone else by simply stating "I hate my alma mater."

Just like the football team, just can't seem to finish the word "triumph."

Our Eyes Cannot Unsee

Eyes...burning.

Thank You Internet

Well, the folks in Blacksburg release a Harlem Shake video with Frankie dancing. Oh, thank you internet for doing our job for us.

We must've done something right in a former life...can't imagine what it was.

Hokie Basketball, Always the Biggest Loser

We take this brief break from making fun of the Hokie football team, and their latest criminal activities, to make fun of another team that won't be filling a trophy case in the near (or far) future.

.500 is for Champions!

From the heights of Hokie delusion to their fans just hoping for a .500 season, it's been a beautiful 2012 for the staff at the ETC blog. But a new joy awaited us yesterday in the Washington Post with the following quote:

For Virginia Tech Coach Frank Beamer, this week has been about
emphasizing one slogan: “I’ve never been to a bad bowl game.”

Beautiful. Simply beautiful. The slogan has gone from national champion wannabe and 'Logan Thomas for Heisman' to "oh god please, just let us make a bowl game!"

Click above for full image.

A Tech Player Wearing #7 is "Dogging" It?

C'mon man...you can't dog it when you're wearing #7. That jersey has history, doggone-it!

The following video, posted on Deadspin, shows just how much Tech is mailing it in now that they're 4-6 and filling that trophy case with tears. The video shows Marcus Davis (#7), identified with a white arrow, and he obviously takes every blocking play off.

Sadly, the direct link video was removed by a Tech website.
But you can still see the video in all its glory at Deadspin.

Davis responded to the Washington Post, saying a few plays were mental errors or him reading the wristband wrong. Really...a redshirt Senior who played in every game for the past two and a half seasons can't read a wristband? Actually, that kinda makes sense. 'Wristband Reading' is a 500-level graduate course.

Trent Dilfer tweeted it "was a disgrace to all the Hokies that invest so much." But it really couldn't be that bad; based on the number of empty seats, a lot of fans didn't invest anything on Thursday.

Are you guys even trying anymore?

Delusions of Grandeur, Even in the NFL

Don't let graduation stop those delusions of greatness. Former Hokies' running back David Wilson has played in six NFL games, only rushed for 87 yards in six games,  and his most famous moment is crying on national television after an embarassing fumble on his second career carry.

But that won't stop him from building an empty trophy case for that future bust in the Hall of Fame. Next level, baby!

“I think at the end of my career, I’ll be in the Hall of Fame,” the rookie told Newsday, "when I get my opportunity, the sky is not the limit. I think it’s past it."  Yes, that's correct, not only will he be in the Hall, but he will be so incredible he will be in the stratosphere.

Oh yeah, and then he compared himself to birth control. “I’m like birth control,” Wilson said. “You have to believe in me."

Shocking No One. Tech Does Not Contend for Titles.

Today, in Stewart Mandel's College Football Mailbag on Sports Illustrated's website, he got a simple question that Hokies have been delusional in answering for years. What does someone outside the maroon cult think? Well, it turns out he thinks the same thing we all do.


Question:

So, with Virginia Tech's annual failure to live up to its ranking, is anyone going to admit that perhaps VT isn't really an elite program? Perhaps writers just like Frank Beamer too much and keep fooling themselves into thinking that VT is an elite program.

Answer Excerpt:

As for whether Virginia Tech is an elite program -- what, may I ask, is your definition of elite? If it's a program that regularly contends for national titles, then no,
Virginia Tech is not elite. 

Read more:  http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/writers/stewart_mandel/09/19/alabama-lsu-national-title-contenders/index.html#ixzz271ETiHo0

Happy 2012 Empty Trophy Case Day!

The trophy case remains empty for another year as today Pittsburgh, you know that team that was 0-2 and lost to two touchdowns to an FCS school, demolished the Hokies and gave their head coach his first career win. The Hokie "Heisman" QB completed just 45% of his passes with three interceptions.

Wait, wait, wait. Did we already say that Pittsburgh lost to an FCS school by two touchdowns? But we can't hate on 'em too bad; congrats to Pittsburgh for being a two-time participant in Annual Empty Case Day. They were also proud participants in 2002.

Pittsburgh 35 - VT 17

Oh hai, we can haz trophy?

We'll Miss You Seth

Picked this up while trolling some other sites. Poor Seth. We'll miss you buddy.

You've gone off to that magical NIT in the sky.

King Hippo Seth!

Hahaha, someone just sent us this gem. it completely captures Greenberg's ungodly rants on the sideline.

Happy 2011 Empty Trophy Case Day!

Scoring the second fewest points in a home game since 1987 - yep, that's a recipe to keep that trophy case nice and empty.

Clemson 23 - VT 3

Sorry, but we've already got a title trophy.

Happy 2010 Empty Trophy Case Day!

Seriously, is anyone over there trying anymore? First a loss to Boise State in week one (a third straight season opening with a loss) and then a loss to FCS school JMU (who?) in week two.

Boise State 33 - VT 30

WTF? Who thought an ugly Trapper Keeper made good jersey design?

Week 2....Bwuuuhahaahahaaa -- JMU 21 - VT 16

Happy 2009 Empty Trophy Case Day! (10th Anniversary)

Yet another week one loss and there goes the season! This was a fantastic way to celebrate the 10th anniversary of this holiday.

Bama 34 - VT 24

When we hit double digits, can we borrow a finger?

Happy 2008 Empty Trophy Case Day!

Jesus, you guys aren't even trying anymore. A week one let down for the trophy case's hopes.

East Carolina 27 - VT 22

Beamer Ball fail.