James Johnson...He Gone.

A record of 22-41, 9-22 mark this season, last place finish in conference (3rd straight year).

Damn we'll miss you, son.

Gender Equality in Chokie Bad Apples

Needing some gender equality in the Good Kids, Bad Places tradition of Chokie criminal behavior, former Tech womens basketball player Shanel Harrison straight up jacked an opponent, punching her in the face during game action. Blatant physical assault during a fast break...yep, that's a personal foul.

See the full video at the source website: Bleacher Report

Come at Me, Baby!

Always classy, this onesie is sure to set your infant on the straight and narrow path to future success.

It would pair nicely with a new nursery set....

Troll On, Young Cavaliers

ACC rival Virginia pummeled Tech's basketball team last night, and from the looks of the "friends and family" section, the Jokies don't even have friends or family interested in seeing them play. And a tipster sent us this picture of this absolutely brilliant troll of their empty trophy case. Well done Cavaliers, well done.

We also caught this one from Geoff Burke at USA TODAY Sports:

Bball Coach Hatin' on 5th-Year Senior

What would you do if you had a 6' 9", fifth-year senior on a young team that plays ugly basketball, dropped three ACC games in a row, and is flirting with a losing season? You'd bench him of course. But beyond that, you'd throw some shade on that kid too!

Head coach Johson stated:  
      “Raines is probably what, a four-point-a-game career guy?” (source)

Can't say we're surprised, seems to be a new tradition at Tech. After all, Beamer bad-mouthed and blamed his inexperienced QB after their Sun Blowout. Someone on Tech's message board showed Raines is closer to a 13-point, 8-rebound a game kind of guy...not to mention, "JJ is what a 4 ACC win coach?"  True. True.

The Sun BowLOL

Well, the Sun Bowl quickly became a Sun Blowout and had most of America laughing out loud. It was everything we've come to expect from the Chokies in big games.

We'll ignore the putrid Tech offense, who even with "Heisman" Thomas weren't going to put up 42 points. Let's instead focus on the Chokies hallmark defense, which was absolutely shredded in El Paso. They gave up 161 rushing yards and a 10 yd/carry average to a player who set the bowl record for QB rushing yards in the first two quarters alone. The UCLA QB had more rushing yards than the entire Tech team. They gave up 202 rushing yards...in the first half! And that wasn't even the worst; they gave up 28 points in 8:31 during the 4th quarter. The paper-thin defense allowed 447 total yards, a season high.

It was Tech's second-worst loss in a bowl, and worst since 1998. And the 42 points allowed was the most in a bowl game since another California team (Cal) dropped 52 on them in 2003.

But did the head coach put any fault in Foster's defense? Hell no, he blamed an inexperienced QB without a career snap, throwing him under the bus. Frank Beamer said after the game, "I’m disappointed that Mark didn’t play better...I think there’s a lesson in there: Be ready to play each and every week...you’ve got to be ready to step up."  Seriously? Blame the guy who stepped into a bowl game? Blame his preparation? Isn't it the job of daddy's boy wonder, Shane Beamer, to prepare the back-up QB? Naw, let's blame the new kid.

Our favorite quote though belonged to WR Byrn who said Logan Thomas spent the halftime intermission “showing off his counting skills to the trainers.” Oh please, we all know a Hokie, even when healthy, can only count to 10 if he's either barefoot or wearing flip-flops.

The Chokies losing big games and failing during bowl season, now that's a tradition that never stops.

Frankie Flamenco?

Frank Beamer dancing in a sombrero?

Frank Beamer dancing in a sombrero.

Happy Turkey Day Rednecks!

Womp Womp, Another Loss

On their way out the door of the ACC, Maryland decided it was time to beat the Jokies at Lane. The maroons gave up a punt return touchdown, Heisman Logan Thomas rushed for a net minus-17 yards, and the turkeys gained only 1.4 yards per carry overall. Sounds like a winning recipe.

Tradition Never Stops

Two straight games with a suspended or dismissed player featured on the tickets, "Tradition never stops" indeed. First a ticket featuring JR Collins who was suspended for violating team rules, then prodigal Good Kids, Bad Place son, kicker Cody Journell, who was finally kicked from the team for violating every known rule in the book.

We look forward to this proud tradition never stopping.

Just When You Thought it Couldn't Get Better....

Oh, it gets better. Someone up there is smiling this year.

Kids, it's time to reevaluate what you're doing.

Today, We Are All Dukies

After our brief interlude with basketball failures in drawing, we now return you to the regularly-scheduled programming of a "Heismanhopeful " throwing 4 interceptions and the football team being Duke's first ranked away victim since 1971.

 

You have to be happy for Duke, just look at those adorable nerds celebrate.

Win, Lose (a lot), or Draw

The ACC media day had players and coaches trying to draw their mascots. The results (like Jokie basketball in 2012-2013) really speak for themselves.

Look, we all know the Hokie is a made-up mascot, and a poor one at that, but if you're the head coach, you should at least know what it looks like. Coach, I award you no points, we are all dumber for having looked, and may God have mercy on your soul...
 

Meanwhile, we think Ben Emelogu's Jokie bird has had one too many tacos at the dining hall...that's the only way to explain both the size of the bird and the lines coming out of his ass....
 

Marcus Vick Likely Out For Sunday

Everyone update your fantasy fast food teams, Marcus is out for Sunday. This piece by the Onion is made even more hilarious since it's so close to reality.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/marcus-vick-likely-out-for-sunday-shift-at-sbarro,34169/

Is the Hokie Football Delusion Contagious?

Basketball player Jalen Hudson committed to the Jokies. To his credit, I guess Blacksburg is better than his other option...Arkansas.

He "[has] aspirations of playing at the next level" (so did Marcus Vick), "[is] also the type that [likes] winning," and most importantly, he wanted to "go somewhere where the coach can really coach the team and get [them] deep into the NCAA Tournament and hopefully win a national championship."

Whoa there tiger, pump the brakes. Someone better tell this kid their basketball team has one Tourney appearance since 1996, and only two in the past 27 years. Win a national championship? Better build another trophy case.

Source: http://virginiatech.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=1557731

Kill It With Fire, Also!

Yes folks, this Hokie stone helmet may see the light of day. They took their awful footprint helmet from last year, their digital camo jersey from this year, and they made it worse.

Your first reaction is probably the correct one...kill it with fire! Or in a more sedated form, as on Deadspin commenter put it:

Or maybe they had a bunch of fake-stone vinyl stickers from their baseball stadium lying around?....