Frankie Flamenco?

Frank Beamer dancing in a sombrero?

Frank Beamer dancing in a sombrero.

Happy Turkey Day Rednecks!

Womp Womp, Another Loss

On their way out the door of the ACC, Maryland decided it was time to beat the Jokies at Lane. The maroons gave up a punt return touchdown, Heisman Logan Thomas rushed for a net minus-17 yards, and the turkeys gained only 1.4 yards per carry overall. Sounds like a winning recipe.

Tradition Never Stops

Two straight games with a suspended or dismissed player featured on the tickets, "Tradition never stops" indeed. First a ticket featuring JR Collins who was suspended for violating team rules, then prodigal Good Kids, Bad Place son, kicker Cody Journell, who was finally kicked from the team for violating every known rule in the book.

We look forward to this proud tradition never stopping.

Just When You Thought it Couldn't Get Better....

Oh, it gets better. Someone up there is smiling this year.

Kids, it's time to reevaluate what you're doing.

Today, We Are All Dukies

After our brief interlude with basketball failures in drawing, we now return you to the regularly-scheduled programming of a "Heismanhopeful " throwing 4 interceptions and the football team being Duke's first ranked away victim since 1971.

 

You have to be happy for Duke, just look at those adorable nerds celebrate.

Win, Lose (a lot), or Draw

The ACC media day had players and coaches trying to draw their mascots. The results (like Jokie basketball in 2012-2013) really speak for themselves.

Look, we all know the Hokie is a made-up mascot, and a poor one at that, but if you're the head coach, you should at least know what it looks like. Coach, I award you no points, we are all dumber for having looked, and may God have mercy on your soul...
 

Meanwhile, we think Ben Emelogu's Jokie bird has had one too many tacos at the dining hall...that's the only way to explain both the size of the bird and the lines coming out of his ass....
 

Marcus Vick Likely Out For Sunday

Everyone update your fantasy fast food teams, Marcus is out for Sunday. This piece by the Onion is made even more hilarious since it's so close to reality.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/marcus-vick-likely-out-for-sunday-shift-at-sbarro,34169/

Is the Hokie Football Delusion Contagious?

Basketball player Jalen Hudson committed to the Jokies. To his credit, I guess Blacksburg is better than his other option...Arkansas.

He "[has] aspirations of playing at the next level" (so did Marcus Vick), "[is] also the type that [likes] winning," and most importantly, he wanted to "go somewhere where the coach can really coach the team and get [them] deep into the NCAA Tournament and hopefully win a national championship."

Whoa there tiger, pump the brakes. Someone better tell this kid their basketball team has one Tourney appearance since 1996, and only two in the past 27 years. Win a national championship? Better build another trophy case.

Source: http://virginiatech.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=1557731

Kill It With Fire, Also!

Yes folks, this Hokie stone helmet may see the light of day. They took their awful footprint helmet from last year, their digital camo jersey from this year, and they made it worse.

Your first reaction is probably the correct one...kill it with fire! Or in a more sedated form, as on Deadspin commenter put it:

Or maybe they had a bunch of fake-stone vinyl stickers from their baseball stadium lying around?....

Kill It With Fire!

To make receivers more impossible for Logan Thomas to connect with, just dress them in camo.

At least this one doesn't look like a Trapper Keeper.

Shane, Why You Gotta Get All Rapey?

WTF is wrong with Shane? Standard jump celebration, okay. But then things get a little rapey. Awkward half hug, leg up on the hip, a few doggie humps, taps the helmet, and rounded out by a tinkerbell kick in the ass?

WTF. Seriously. WTF.

Beamer Got Smacked!

Since Beamer got slapped by Saban yesterday, figured it was time for an oldie-but-goodie.

Happy 2013 Empty Trophy Case Day!

Well it's another early celebration this year. Bama scores on a punt return. Bama scores on a kickoff return. Bama scores on an interception return....our fearless turkeys got totally Beamer-balled.

 The turkey's "Heisman" QB went 5/26 for 59 and threw one TD...to the wrong team.

Ala...Roll Effin' Tide...Bama 35 - VT 10

"Great googly moogly...."

What a Bunch of Rubes

Doesn't get much more Hokie than this.

On a side note, what kind of cow college has a homecoming court? We back in high school?

Click here for full Gawker article.

Smell Like a Hokie!

A VT fragrance? Yeah, so this is a thing now. And just like their football team, it will get the girl back to your dorm room, get her all hyped up, and then disappear at the most important moment and leave you wishing for next week.

There will be choices of three perfumes for women, and three for men, and the kids will decide just what they all want to smell like. Early name choices include:

1. Hokie Triump (seriously, they spelled it wrong)
2. Skipper (as in shower-skipper?)
3. VT Strong.

But we think more research is needed, so we've offered to help. With a bottle shaped like an empty trophy case, we suggest focus groups weigh in on the following scent options:

• Eau de Felonious
• Academic Suspension
• Manéur
• Disappointment for Women
• Emptiness for Him
• National Title No. 0

As the newscast mentions, finding an aroma befitting of a Hokie is a "whole different animal," so why not an animal? Sheep pheromones anyone? Although I believe a Deadspin comment captured the sentiments much better than anyone else by simply stating "I hate my alma mater."

Just like the football team, just can't seem to finish the word "triumph."

Our Eyes Cannot Unsee

Eyes...burning.

Thank You Internet

Well, the folks in Blacksburg release a Harlem Shake video with Frankie dancing. Oh, thank you internet for doing our job for us.

We must've done something right in a former life...can't imagine what it was.

Hokie Basketball, Always the Biggest Loser

We take this brief break from making fun of the Hokie football team, and their latest criminal activities, to make fun of another team that won't be filling a trophy case in the near (or far) future.