From One Failing Team to Another

ESPN ranked the interest in the ACC / Big Ten basketball games this week, and even they couldn't avoid burning the Jokies football team.

Update: And during that game, the Jokies forgot how to play basketball and Penn State scored what was likely the easiest basket in the history of basketball. We know counting to ten is difficult for them; this was never more evident than when the entire team thought PSU was in the double bonus and declined to rebound a live ball. Video hilarity below:

We Bowlin' Boys!

For the second time in three years, our Orange & Maroons squeaked by a pathetic rival to finish 6-6 in the easy ACC and get invited to that sweet, sweet postseason buffet of 100 irrelevant bowls.

#-R-E-S-P-E-C-T....

It would appear all the classy Jokies are working Black Friday hours at their Walmart jobs tonight.

#HokieIrony

Slap Fight!

Deadspin's headline pretty much sums it up. Two awful 5-6 football teams engaged in a pregame slap fight to determine who gets to represent the bottom tier of the ACC in a Startup.com bowl.

Clean Sheet!

In the first FBS game in 9 years to end regulation with no score, Beamer was just happy to score the shutout. Check out ol' Franky celebrating Wake Forest missing a 37-yard field goal at the buzzer:

 
Unfortunately for him, the Jokies lost 6-3 in two overtimes. Sometimes it takes two extra sessions to prove just how much your offense really sucks. DT Corey Marshall was "just embarrassed to be a part of...," well, the whole season really.

My favorite part of the ESPN sidebar: "...that's not even their worst loss of the day. The Hokies' men's basketball team was an 18-point favorite at home against Appalachian State and lost straight up"

Happy 2014 Empty Trophy Case Day!

Another early season celebration and another two-time participant in this great event. Last seen on ETC Day in 2008, East Carolina returned to the stage and took an early 21-0 lead all the way to the house.

ECU 28 - VT 21

The Chokies have now lost four of their past five games following a win over a ranked team. Way to go boys!

And wearing that helmet!
You brought shame to your school and your nation, son.

A Date Which Will Live in Infamy

The empty trophy case, and Tech's dream of winning anything of value, is finally over. Replaced with a tacky bird statue.

Yahoo Sports: "And thus the trophy case has sat empty and become a bit of a laughingstock."

But...but...it was our laughingstock. We'll never quit you, empty trophy case.

Momma's Gonna be Proud

Your sixth grade art class submission is now a Tech recruiting pitch. No seriously, let's Photoshop a high school kid on Sports Illustrated, add some cheesy fonts and headlines, and boom, innovation in recruiting! You know this kid's momma is going to show this to all the neighbors and put it on the fridge.

So why Virginia Tech? You know, things like Beamer, bowl games, top draft picks, high graduation rates, tradition...and all the other non-contending "contender" propaganda.
 

They All Look the Same

If you've seen one out-of-shape, bald, white guy, you've seen 'em all.

Seth Greenberg. Buzz Williams. Random assistant from North Texas. Seriously, how do you tell them apart?

Screen grab below from Deadspin.com.

So You're Saying It's a Bad Job?

One local columnist for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel doesn't think much of Buzz Williams. But humorously to us (of course), he thinks even less of Virginia Tech. Here's some choice quotes from his article on Buzz heading to the rednecks, orange emphasis ours:

• "Williams...loved being front and center at a basketball-first school like Marquette" - can people at Tech even find their arena?
   
• "Marquette spends more on men's basketball than any school in the country except Duke" - get ready for a recruiting budget of Motel 6s and coupons.
   
• "So why would he go to a place like Virginia Tech...nobody cares about basketball" - you could've stopped after why go to a place like Tech.
   
• "...opportunity to get hammered by Duke, North Carolina, Syracuse, Louisville and Virginia" -and BC, Clemson, FSU, GT, Miami, NCSU, ND, Pitt, WFU....
   
• "VPI in every way is a step down from Marquette" - what isn't it a step down from, Fallujah?
   
• "A coaching graveyard, Virginia Tech is a bad job" - graveyard would imply there was ever life.
   
• "...dead-end Virginia Tech" - come on, now you're just rubbing it in.
  
   

James Johnson...He Gone.

A record of 22-41, 9-22 mark this season, last place finish in conference (3rd straight year).

Damn we'll miss you, son.

Gender Equality in Chokie Bad Apples

Needing some gender equality in the Good Kids, Bad Places tradition of Chokie criminal behavior, former Tech womens basketball player Shanel Harrison straight up jacked an opponent, punching her in the face during game action. Blatant physical assault during a fast break...yep, that's a personal foul.

See the full video at the source website: Bleacher Report

Come at Me, Baby!

Always classy, this onesie is sure to set your infant on the straight and narrow path to future success.

It would pair nicely with a new nursery set....

Troll On, Young Cavaliers

ACC rival Virginia pummeled Tech's basketball team last night, and from the looks of the "friends and family" section, the Jokies don't even have friends or family interested in seeing them play. And a tipster sent us this picture of this absolutely brilliant troll of their empty trophy case. Well done Cavaliers, well done.

We also caught this one from Geoff Burke at USA TODAY Sports:

Bball Coach Hatin' on 5th-Year Senior

What would you do if you had a 6' 9", fifth-year senior on a young team that plays ugly basketball, dropped three ACC games in a row, and is flirting with a losing season? You'd bench him of course. But beyond that, you'd throw some shade on that kid too!

Head coach Johson stated:  
      “Raines is probably what, a four-point-a-game career guy?” (source)

Can't say we're surprised, seems to be a new tradition at Tech. After all, Beamer bad-mouthed and blamed his inexperienced QB after their Sun Blowout. Someone on Tech's message board showed Raines is closer to a 13-point, 8-rebound a game kind of guy...not to mention, "JJ is what a 4 ACC win coach?"  True. True.

The Sun BowLOL

Well, the Sun Bowl quickly became a Sun Blowout and had most of America laughing out loud. It was everything we've come to expect from the Chokies in big games.

We'll ignore the putrid Tech offense, who even with "Heisman" Thomas weren't going to put up 42 points. Let's instead focus on the Chokies hallmark defense, which was absolutely shredded in El Paso. They gave up 161 rushing yards and a 10 yd/carry average to a player who set the bowl record for QB rushing yards in the first two quarters alone. The UCLA QB had more rushing yards than the entire Tech team. They gave up 202 rushing yards...in the first half! And that wasn't even the worst; they gave up 28 points in 8:31 during the 4th quarter. The paper-thin defense allowed 447 total yards, a season high.

It was Tech's second-worst loss in a bowl, and worst since 1998. And the 42 points allowed was the most in a bowl game since another California team (Cal) dropped 52 on them in 2003.

But did the head coach put any fault in Foster's defense? Hell no, he blamed an inexperienced QB without a career snap, throwing him under the bus. Frank Beamer said after the game, "I’m disappointed that Mark didn’t play better...I think there’s a lesson in there: Be ready to play each and every week...you’ve got to be ready to step up."  Seriously? Blame the guy who stepped into a bowl game? Blame his preparation? Isn't it the job of daddy's boy wonder, Shane Beamer, to prepare the back-up QB? Naw, let's blame the new kid.

Our favorite quote though belonged to WR Byrn who said Logan Thomas spent the halftime intermission “showing off his counting skills to the trainers.” Oh please, we all know a Hokie, even when healthy, can only count to 10 if he's either barefoot or wearing flip-flops.

The Chokies losing big games and failing during bowl season, now that's a tradition that never stops.