From One Failing Team to Another

ESPN ranked the interest in the ACC / Big Ten basketball games this week, and even they couldn't avoid burning the Jokies football team.

Update: And during that game, the Jokies forgot how to play basketball and Penn State scored what was likely the easiest basket in the history of basketball. We know counting to ten is difficult for them; this was never more evident than when the entire team thought PSU was in the double bonus and declined to rebound a live ball. Video hilarity below:

Clean Sheet!

In the first FBS game in 9 years to end regulation with no score, Beamer was just happy to score the shutout. Check out ol' Franky celebrating Wake Forest missing a 37-yard field goal at the buzzer:

 
Unfortunately for him, the Jokies lost 6-3 in two overtimes. Sometimes it takes two extra sessions to prove just how much your offense really sucks. DT Corey Marshall was "just embarrassed to be a part of...," well, the whole season really.

My favorite part of the ESPN sidebar: "...that's not even their worst loss of the day. The Hokies' men's basketball team was an 18-point favorite at home against Appalachian State and lost straight up"

They All Look the Same

If you've seen one out-of-shape, bald, white guy, you've seen 'em all.

Seth Greenberg. Buzz Williams. Random assistant from North Texas. Seriously, how do you tell them apart?

Screen grab below from Deadspin.com.

Tradition Never Stops

Two straight games with a suspended or dismissed player featured on the tickets, "Tradition never stops" indeed. First a ticket featuring JR Collins who was suspended for violating team rules, then prodigal Good Kids, Bad Place son, kicker Cody Journell, who was finally kicked from the team for violating every known rule in the book.

We look forward to this proud tradition never stopping.

Win, Lose (a lot), or Draw

The ACC media day had players and coaches trying to draw their mascots. The results (like Jokie basketball in 2012-2013) really speak for themselves.

Look, we all know the Hokie is a made-up mascot, and a poor one at that, but if you're the head coach, you should at least know what it looks like. Coach, I award you no points, we are all dumber for having looked, and may God have mercy on your soul...
 

Meanwhile, we think Ben Emelogu's Jokie bird has had one too many tacos at the dining hall...that's the only way to explain both the size of the bird and the lines coming out of his ass....
 

Beamer Got Smacked!

Since Beamer got slapped by Saban yesterday, figured it was time for an oldie-but-goodie.

What a Bunch of Rubes

Doesn't get much more Hokie than this.

On a side note, what kind of cow college has a homecoming court? We back in high school?

Click here for full Gawker article.

Smell Like a Hokie!

A VT fragrance? Yeah, so this is a thing now. And just like their football team, it will get the girl back to your dorm room, get her all hyped up, and then disappear at the most important moment and leave you wishing for next week.

There will be choices of three perfumes for women, and three for men, and the kids will decide just what they all want to smell like. Early name choices include:

1. Hokie Triump (seriously, they spelled it wrong)
2. Skipper (as in shower-skipper?)
3. VT Strong.

But we think more research is needed, so we've offered to help. With a bottle shaped like an empty trophy case, we suggest focus groups weigh in on the following scent options:

• Eau de Felonious
• Academic Suspension
• Manéur
• Disappointment for Women
• Emptiness for Him
• National Title No. 0

As the newscast mentions, finding an aroma befitting of a Hokie is a "whole different animal," so why not an animal? Sheep pheromones anyone? Although I believe a Deadspin comment captured the sentiments much better than anyone else by simply stating "I hate my alma mater."

Just like the football team, just can't seem to finish the word "triumph."

A Tech Player Wearing #7 is "Dogging" It?

C'mon man...you can't dog it when you're wearing #7. That jersey has history, doggone-it!

The following video, posted on Deadspin, shows just how much Tech is mailing it in now that they're 4-6 and filling that trophy case with tears. The video shows Marcus Davis (#7), identified with a white arrow, and he obviously takes every blocking play off.

Sadly, the direct link video was removed by a Tech website.
But you can still see the video in all its glory at Deadspin.

Davis responded to the Washington Post, saying a few plays were mental errors or him reading the wristband wrong. Really...a redshirt Senior who played in every game for the past two and a half seasons can't read a wristband? Actually, that kinda makes sense. 'Wristband Reading' is a 500-level graduate course.

Trent Dilfer tweeted it "was a disgrace to all the Hokies that invest so much." But it really couldn't be that bad; based on the number of empty seats, a lot of fans didn't invest anything on Thursday.

Are you guys even trying anymore?