Simply Horrifying

These Eyes Have Seen Tragedy, Kid

Look kid, we'd sob uncontrollably too if we had to sit next to a creepy old guy with a thousand-yard stare. Seriously, the man may as well be at a funeral. Don't get excited, Frank.

Deadspin has the full video of the ol' coach terrifying a toddler, her crying uncontrollably, and Franky-B giving zero f*cks.

Oh and 6? Oh, so close!

Buzz, your team has a losing record, is 0-6 in the conference...but you find yourself with a lead with almost 13 minutes to go? What do you do, hot shot? That's right...dance, baby, dance!

Seriously, what's the worst that could happen? Not like it's the first time a Jokie coach has celebrated a meaningless feat too early.

Worst Loss, Ever.

Ouch. The statistics are uglier than the championship shirts the Jokies have been peddling.

( click image for full Deadspin article )

Tuesday Update: Seriously, We Weren't Kidding

Seriously, we weren't kidding. The Jokies fans honestly think they've somehow returned to relevance and contention after being the inexplicable bug that escaped Ohio State's windshield.

This is making the rounds all over social media, and they're proud of it:

And oh yeah, they're printing shirts! Rednecks are shelling out $19 to celebrate a September football game:

NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!

The day has come! The day has come! Thank god almighty, the day has come! After waiting for well over a decade, the Jokies can finally lay claim to a moral victory national championship. What's that you say? They just completed a 6-6 regular season and won some afterthought of a bowl game?

Nonsense. When your delusions of grandeur are so great you construct an empty trophy case, you better believe your transitive property game is strong as well.

Jokies beat Ohio State. Ohio State is the national champion. Ipso facto, THE JOKIES ARE THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!

 

From One Failing Team to Another

ESPN ranked the interest in the ACC / Big Ten basketball games this week, and even they couldn't avoid burning the Jokies football team.

Update: And during that game, the Jokies forgot how to play basketball and Penn State scored what was likely the easiest basket in the history of basketball. We know counting to ten is difficult for them; this was never more evident than when the entire team thought PSU was in the double bonus and declined to rebound a live ball. Video hilarity below:

We Bowlin' Boys!

For the second time in three years, our Orange & Maroons squeaked by a pathetic rival to finish 6-6 in the easy ACC and get invited to that sweet, sweet postseason buffet of 100 irrelevant bowls.

#-R-E-S-P-E-C-T....

It would appear all the classy Jokies are working Black Friday hours at their Walmart jobs tonight.

#HokieIrony

Slap Fight!

Deadspin's headline pretty much sums it up. Two awful 5-6 football teams engaged in a pregame slap fight to determine who gets to represent the bottom tier of the ACC in a Startup.com bowl.

Clean Sheet!

In the first FBS game in 9 years to end regulation with no score, Beamer was just happy to score the shutout. Check out ol' Franky celebrating Wake Forest missing a 37-yard field goal at the buzzer:

 
Unfortunately for him, the Jokies lost 6-3 in two overtimes. Sometimes it takes two extra sessions to prove just how much your offense really sucks. DT Corey Marshall was "just embarrassed to be a part of...," well, the whole season really.

My favorite part of the ESPN sidebar: "...that's not even their worst loss of the day. The Hokies' men's basketball team was an 18-point favorite at home against Appalachian State and lost straight up"

Happy 2014 Empty Trophy Case Day!

Another early season celebration and another two-time participant in this great event. Last seen on ETC Day in 2008, East Carolina returned to the stage and took an early 21-0 lead all the way to the house.

ECU 28 - VT 21

The Chokies have now lost four of their past five games following a win over a ranked team. Way to go boys!

And wearing that helmet!
You brought shame to your school and your nation, son.

A Date Which Will Live in Infamy

The empty trophy case, and Tech's dream of winning anything of value, is finally over. Replaced with a tacky bird statue.

Yahoo Sports: "And thus the trophy case has sat empty and become a bit of a laughingstock."

But...but...it was our laughingstock. We'll never quit you, empty trophy case.

Momma's Gonna be Proud

Your sixth grade art class submission is now a Tech recruiting pitch. No seriously, let's Photoshop a high school kid on Sports Illustrated, add some cheesy fonts and headlines, and boom, innovation in recruiting! You know this kid's momma is going to show this to all the neighbors and put it on the fridge.

So why Virginia Tech? You know, things like Beamer, bowl games, top draft picks, high graduation rates, tradition...and all the other non-contending "contender" propaganda.
 

They All Look the Same

If you've seen one out-of-shape, bald, white guy, you've seen 'em all.

Seth Greenberg. Buzz Williams. Random assistant from North Texas. Seriously, how do you tell them apart?

Screen grab below from Deadspin.com.

So You're Saying It's a Bad Job?

One local columnist for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel doesn't think much of Buzz Williams. But humorously to us (of course), he thinks even less of Virginia Tech. Here's some choice quotes from his article on Buzz heading to the rednecks, orange emphasis ours:

• "Williams...loved being front and center at a basketball-first school like Marquette" - can people at Tech even find their arena?
   
• "Marquette spends more on men's basketball than any school in the country except Duke" - get ready for a recruiting budget of Motel 6s and coupons.
   
• "So why would he go to a place like Virginia Tech...nobody cares about basketball" - you could've stopped after why go to a place like Tech.
   
• "...opportunity to get hammered by Duke, North Carolina, Syracuse, Louisville and Virginia" -and BC, Clemson, FSU, GT, Miami, NCSU, ND, Pitt, WFU....
   
• "VPI in every way is a step down from Marquette" - what isn't it a step down from, Fallujah?
   
• "A coaching graveyard, Virginia Tech is a bad job" - graveyard would imply there was ever life.
   
• "...dead-end Virginia Tech" - come on, now you're just rubbing it in.